Discourses, That We Ought not to Be Moved by a Desire of Those Things Which Are not in Our Power

Epictetus — The Slave

Here's how to handle this: when you kiss your child, your brother, or your friend, don't let your emotions run wild. Don't let your pleasure go wherever it wants. Hold it back. Control it like those servants who stand behind generals during victory parades and whisper "Remember, you are mortal." You need to remind yourself the same way. The person you love is mortal. What you love is not really yours. It's been given to you for now — not permanently, and not forever. It's like a fig or grapes given to you in their proper season. If you want figs in winter, you're being foolish. So if you want your son or friend when they're no longer available to you, know that you're asking for figs in winter. Winter is to a fig what every natural event is to the things that get taken away according to nature's plan.

Epictetus — The Slave Original

So in this matter also: if you kiss your own child, or your brother or friend, never give full license to the appearance ([Greek: phantasian]), and allow not your pleasure to go as far as it chooses; but check it, and curb it as those who stand behind men in their triumphs and remind them that they are mortal. Do you also remind yourself in like manner, that he whom you love is mortal, and that what you love is nothing of your own; it has been given to you for the present, not that it should not be taken from you, nor has it been given to you for all time, but as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year. But if you wish for these things in winter, you are a fool. So if you wish for your son or friend when it is not allowed to you, you must know that you are wishing for a fig in winter. For such as winter is to a fig, such is every event which happens from the universe to the things which are taken away according to its nature.

Epictetus — The Slave

Don't you know that a good person does nothing just to look good? They do things because they're right. What advantage does doing right give them? The advantage is that they did right. What advantage does someone get from writing Dion's name correctly? The advantage is that they wrote it correctly. Isn't there any reward then? Do you want a reward for a good person that's greater than doing what is good and just? At the Olympic games, you don't want anything more than winning. It seems like enough to be crowned champion. Does being good and happy seem so small and worthless to you? The gods brought you into this world for these purposes. It's now your duty to do the work of an adult. Do you still want nurses and a mommy? Do foolish women make you soft and weak with their crying? Will you never stop being a foolish child? Don't you know that when someone acts like a child, the older they get, the more ridiculous they become?

Epictetus — The Slave Original

Know you not that a good man does nothing for the sake of appearance, but for the sake of doing right? What advantage is it then to him to have done right? And what advantage is it to a man who writes the name of Dion to write it as he ought? The advantage is to have written it. Is there no reward then? Do you seek a reward for a good man greater than doing what is good and just? At Olympia you wish for nothing more, but it seems to you enough to be crowned at the games. Does it seem to you so small and worthless a thing to be good and happy? For these purposes being introduced by the gods into this city (the world), and it being now your duty to undertake the work of a man, do you still want nurses also and a mamma, and do foolish women by their weeping move you and make you effeminate? Will you thus never cease to be a foolish child? know you not that he who does the acts of a child, the older he is, the more ridiculous he is?