Discourses, That We Ought not to Be Moved by a Desire of Those Things Which Are not in Our Power

Epictetus — The Slave

Here's another thing to try. When you're enjoying something, picture the opposite happening. What's the harm in whispering to your child while you kiss them: "Tomorrow you might die"? Or saying to a friend: "Tomorrow you might leave, or I might, and we'll never see each other again"? You think these are unlucky words to say? Some magic spells sound unlucky too, but if they work, I don't care how they sound. They just need to be useful. What makes words truly unlucky anyway? Only words that point to real evils. Cowardice is unlucky. A weak spirit is unlucky. Sadness, grief, and shamelessness — those are unlucky words. But we should still say them when we need to protect ourselves from these things. Are you really going to tell me that any word describing something natural is unlucky?

Epictetus — The Slave Original

And further, at the times when you are delighted with a thing, place before yourself the contrary appearances. What harm is it while you are kissing your child to say with a lisping voice: To-morrow you will die; and to a friend also: To-morrow you will go away or I shall, and never shall we see one another again? But these are words of bad omen—and some incantations also are of bad omen; but because they are useful, I don't care for this; only let them be useful. But do you call things to be of bad omen except those which are significant of some evil? Cowardice is a word of bad omen, and meanness of spirit, and sorrow, and grief, and shamelessness. These words are of bad omen; and yet we ought not to hesitate to utter them in order to protect ourselves against the things. Do you tell me that a name which is significant of any natural thing is of evil omen?

Epictetus — The Slave

Here's how to handle this: when you kiss your child, your brother, or your friend, don't let your emotions run wild. Don't let your pleasure go wherever it wants. Hold it back. Control it like those servants who stand behind generals during victory parades and whisper "Remember, you are mortal." You need to remind yourself the same way. The person you love is mortal. What you love is not really yours. It's been given to you for now — not permanently, and not forever. It's like a fig or grapes given to you in their proper season. If you want figs in winter, you're being foolish. So if you want your son or friend when they're no longer available to you, know that you're asking for figs in winter. Winter is to a fig what every natural event is to the things that get taken away according to nature's plan.

Epictetus — The Slave Original

So in this matter also: if you kiss your own child, or your brother or friend, never give full license to the appearance ([Greek: phantasian]), and allow not your pleasure to go as far as it chooses; but check it, and curb it as those who stand behind men in their triumphs and remind them that they are mortal. Do you also remind yourself in like manner, that he whom you love is mortal, and that what you love is nothing of your own; it has been given to you for the present, not that it should not be taken from you, nor has it been given to you for all time, but as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year. But if you wish for these things in winter, you are a fool. So if you wish for your son or friend when it is not allowed to you, you must know that you are wishing for a fig in winter. For such as winter is to a fig, such is every event which happens from the universe to the things which are taken away according to its nature.