On Anger, Book 3, Section 36 — In Plain English

Seneca — The Senator

At dinner parties, people have made jokes and comments meant to hurt you. Don't eat with lowlifes. People who aren't decent when sober become much more recklessly rude when they're drunk. You've seen your friend get furious with some lawyer's or rich man's doorkeeper because he was turned away at the door. And you got angry on your friend's behalf at this lowest of slaves. But would you really get mad at a chained watchdog? Even that dog stops barking and becomes friendly if you offer it food. So step back and smile. For now, that doorkeeper thinks he's important because he guards a door that's crowded with people trying to get in. For now, the man sitting inside feels prosperous and happy. He thinks a front door that's hard to get through shows how rich and powerful he is. He doesn't realize that the hardest door of all to open is the prison door.

Seneca — The Senator Original

At the dinner-table some jokes and sayings intended to give you pain have been directed against you: avoid feasting with low people. Those who are not modest even when sober become much more recklessly impudent after drinking. You have seen your friend in a rage with the porter of some lawyer or rich man, because he has sent him back when about to enter, and you yourself on behalf of your friend have been in a rage with the meanest of slaves. Would you then be angry with a chained housedog? Why, even he, after a long bout of barking, becomes gentle if you offer him food. So draw back and smile; for the moment your porter fancies himself to be somebody, because he guards a door which is beset by a crowd of litigants; for the moment he who sits within is prosperous and happy, and thinks that a street-door through which it is hard to gain entrance is the mark of a rich and powerful man; he knows not that the hardest door of all to open is that of the prison.

Seneca — The Senator

I take advantage of this privilege every day. When the lamp is put away and my wife stops talking (she knows my routine), I review my entire day. I go over everything I said and did. I hide nothing from myself and leave nothing out. Why should I fear my mistakes when I can say, "I forgive you this time — just don't do it again"? In that argument, you were too aggressive. Don't debate with ignorant people in the future. Those who have never learned don't want to learn. You criticized that person too harshly, so you offended him instead of helping him improve. Next time, consider not just whether what you're saying is true, but whether the person can handle hearing the truth. A good person welcomes advice. The worst people can't stand being guided.

Seneca — The Senator Original

I make use of this privilege, and daily plead my cause before myself: when the lamp is taken out of my sight, and my wife, who knows my habit, has ceased to talk, I pass the whole day in review before myself, and repeat all that I have said and done: I conceal nothing from myself, and omit nothing: for why should I be afraid of any of my shortcomings, when it is in my power to say, “I pardon you this time: see that you never do that any more? In that dispute you spoke too contentiously: do not for the future argue with ignorant people: those who have never been taught are unwilling to learn. You reprimanded that man with more freedom than you ought, and consequently you have offended him instead of amending his ways: in dealing with other cases of the kind, you should look carefully, not only to the truth of what you say, but also whether the person to whom you speak can bear to be told the truth.” A good man delights in receiving advice: all the worst men are the most impatient of guidance.